Courage
by MochaChocaLatte
Summary: How do you define courage? Rating just to be sure.... minor 5th book spoilers! Please rr1!
1. Neville

Discalimer: This is all JK Rowling's world!!!

Courage.

It's such a small word. You would think that it wouldn't be able to have too much of an impact on a person's life. But, for me, it is like cursing me to Hell and back. I hate the word. I know, it's just a word. Really rather insignificant, if you think about it. But it has so much more meaning than just a bunch of letters put together.

Ever since my first year at school, my life has been mocked because of this one stupid word. I know that I don't look and act as brave as the others. I know that I seem like a coward. Sometimes I think that I am. How can anyone understand? They don't see anything except for poor, scared Neville. 

I have a right to be scared. I know what it's like. None of them know, not really. Sometimes I think that Harry might know, but he always ends up just like the others. He pities me. I can see it in his eyes. I can see it when Snape is busy yelling at me in potions. People think I do horribly in potions because of Snape. They are all wrong. I do horrible in potions because I am horrible at the subject. Who cares if I can't brew the Draught of the Living Death? Why would I ever need that? When would I ever need a potion that I couldn't just go to the Apothecary and buy.

I would never go to St. Mungo's. The medi-witches and wizards are incompetent. They don't know what they are doing and they can't really heal anybody. Not when it matters. Why couldn't they fix them? Why my parents? Why are they the ones babbling on a hospital bed? How come my parents are the ones who don't even recognize me when I am next to them. Crying over their bed. 

I stopped crying a long time ago. It doesn't help the pain. Nothing helps. No matter what I do or say, nothing will ever be able to change the fact that some psycho's decided to torture my parents to the point of insanity! 

I am sick of walking down the halls and hearing the girls sigh over how brave Harry Potter is. And how horrible it is that he had to live with muggles. Oh yes, I'm sure it was horrible having to be allowed more human contact than your bitter grandmother, who can't even look at you.

My grandmother can't stand me. I can tell. I could tell for as long as I remember. She never let me do anything, she always talks about my father and how BRAVE he was. My mother, and how selfless she was. How they both had so much courage during the world's most difficult time. Well, if I'm not brave enough for her, it is her fault! I never had a mother to tell me that there were no such things as monsters under my bed. I never had a father to look up to. A dad to teach me how to be a strong man. I learned though. I am strong. I am more strong than anyone gives me credit for. I can stand on my own two feet. I will be able to go out into the real world and not flinch when something goes wrong. 

Even Harry has led a sheltered life at Hogwarts. Dumbledore never tells him the more unsavory parts of his adventures. If Harry knows about this, he doesn't care. Prefering to leave the more difficult part of watching your so called friends go in and out of danger over and over again. 

That's all I can seem to do. Watch. I have to watch, helplessly as my parents lie in beds. Trapped in the torments of their own minds. I watch as Hermione, Harry, and Ron go off on their own adventures. Never thinking of taking me. They never think that maybe scared, little Neville could ever be of help. I would have been able to, nobody ever wants me too. 

That's why I went with them this year. That's why I had to help. I knew that I had what ever Gryffindor must have. I had to have that stupid word. Courage. Oh yes, I had shown courage. I went with them. The rest were all on the floor. Nobody was able to help Harry, except for me. I was there. I saw everything. I showed them all that I had what it takes.

I do have courage. I am strong. I will survive this. 

I don't want to be famous. I just want people to stop looking at me and treating me like a first year. I can stand up proud and tall before a death eater. I have proved this. I am not afraid of death. I am not afraid of pain. 

There is a war coming. It is inevitable. When the time comes, I will stand next to my friends and help them as best as I can. I will not back down to the fear. Voldemort has done too much to me, I can't let him take over my life more than he already has. 

Nothing can bring my parents back to me. But I can stop something like that from ever happening to anyone else. I will do this, with courage.

Please Read/ Review!!!!  



	2. Hermione

Courage.

'Let's ask Little-Miss-Know-It-All what it means.' After all, I am one of the best friends of the great boy-who-lived. The most courageous person at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. How could I not know what courage was.

The only problem is, I don't know. This is probably one of the hardest things I will have to say in my entire life, but I have absolutely no clue as to what courage is. 

I mean, I know that Harry is considered brave. He's the Gryffindor poster boy. I understand that he has had so many bad things in his life and he stand up to them. He fights He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named almost yearly and he comes back and people treat him like a hero. 

But there are so many other brave people who go unnoticed.

I know that I am not the bravest person in the world and I am fine with that. It's just that, well, let's just say that Ron isn't the only one who is capable of being jealous. I am just much better at hiding it than he is. 

Ron is like he is because he just wants a little bit of the spotlight that his family all has to clamor to share. I, on the other hand, live in the spotlight. I was born in it. I was raised in it. I was constantly told that I was the sun and moon for my parents. 

I suppose that is why I try so hard at school. I want to be the sun and moon and stars for the teachers. I want to keep my spotlight up all year long. Impossible.

Especially as Harry for a best friend. I am constantly passed by, known only as that smart girl who hangs out with Harry, I am cast aside constantly. I personally feel that running into a situation blindly is not bravery. 

That's all that Harry does. He sees a problem and he runs in head first to save the day. Somewhere in this equation he realizes that his rash choices were stupid, but by some sick twist of fate, something always saves him and he comes out virtually unscathed, then when the next year rolls around, the cycle of stupidity continues.

Harry isn't really stupid, he just has this complex that it is necessary that he defeat every bad guy within at least a ten mile radius of himself. This is not even including Voldemort, Wormtail, and now just recently Bellatrix. 

I know that this can be good, but does it make me bad if I like to think before I act, and cover all my bases. Apparently, according to the entire population of Hogwarts, it does. I am some freak who just goes around 'magically' knowing every answer. Did anyone ever consider the possibility that I may be the only student who ever actually read the books? 

Obviously not, and I have to suffer for everyone else's stupidity. I could have stopped caring and trying a long time ago. This would have been so much easier! But I didn't give in. I still pressed on. I still refuse to change to the way that they think is the best way to be. 

For me, this is my courage. This is my strength. Nobody would think that this is courageous. I like to think of myself as a very brave person who has managed to finally beat the odds. I kept up my values and I have become a somewhat popular person in this school. Although I must admit, that comes with the territory of being Harry's best friend, I am a well rounded person.

Courage come I n many shapes and sizes. I had an obstacle I had to overcome. I knew it would be difficult. I shed more than a few tears along the way. But I have risen to the challenge. This is what I call courage.


	3. Dumbledore

Disclaimer: This is JKR's world, but my idea. 

Courage.

I can honestly say that in all the years that I have lived on this place we humans so fondly call earth, I have rarely seen people who have displayed such vast amounts of courage. The people I have in mind are children, none the less. I can not believe how amazingly brave these children are.

It takes a special kind of person to face the things that they have faced and still manage to live their lives. They are forced by the times we live in to live in fear. They do not deserve this. I so fondly hope that one day they will be able to know what it is like to live a carefree existence. I only knew this for a few very brief yet glorious years, myself. 

Those were the best times of my life. I gave them up the first time to defeat Grindewald and then it seems as if I was in a constant flurry of activity. I was looked at as a hero. I still am. 

I know what everyone says about me. I have gone mad, but I am still brilliant. It suits them. It would not do for the brave one who put fear into the hearts of evil to just go mad. No, no matter what I do I still have enough sanity to run things. 

I admit it, I do what I do because I know that I can. I enjoy being able to get away with being the odd headmaster who has an odd obsession with socks and lemon drops. I spent far too many years of my life not enjoying the time I had. I pushed aside my own desires and time and I helped others. I do not regret helping others, far from it. This was what I was put n this earth to do. I had to help them, but I always wonder what it would be like. Just to spend one day without a burden on my shoulders. 

I know Harry has a burden on him. It is really unfair that it was pushed on him like that. I at least chose my own path. Harry has no choice. He was chosen to defeat one of the most horrible fiends to walk the face of the earth. No matter if he wants to or not, Harry must face him and he must fight him. There is no choice, even if he wants to run away, eventually he will be found by Voldemort and they will face off. I wish that I could take this burden from Harry.

That is my problem. A long time ago I realized that I had so many burdens that my life was no longer my own. I then began to have more and more burdens placed on me and I accepted it. I asked people to place their burdens on me. I the great and mighty all-seeing Dumbledore would be able to fix their problem. For many I have. I just want to do everything in my power to let people live the life that I know I could have lived if I had not faced Grindewald, if I did not have to be so Gryffindor like and choose to fight, I could have been happy with a wife, maybe a few children.

But this would have been too easy. Grindewald perhaps would never have been taken down and we would then live in a world too horrible to even contemplate. 

Yes, I gave up my life for others. I am now just a shadow of my former self. I know I am. It is just a matter of time before my weary eyes close for the last time and I am finally allowed to rest in peace. But until then, I will gather my courage and trudge on, doing what I know I must do.

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Ok, thanks so much for reading this! It would be great if you guys would please review afterwards!!! It really would mean a lot to me!!! Thanks!

Oh, and thanks so much to my reviewers: 

arimel: yeah, I always felt a bit sorry for the way JKR portrayed Neville too, I am hoping there is in the grand scheme of things reason for it, cross your fingers!!!

missingthecat: thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked the way I did Neville!!

A. M. Winters: Thanks so much for your review! I'm glad you liked this and the other one! I really am flattered! Like I said to arimel, I always felt that Neville got a bad rap in the books, and he was always the forgetful, clumsy, un-Gryffindor of all Gryffindor's and the first one to be made fun of, so I thought this would be a nice tribute to him!

Tati1: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you liked my writing, also thanks for your good advice!!!

A/N: Ok, I hope you guys enjoy Dumbledore!


	4. Snape

Disclaimer: This is all from JKR's world!!!

Courage.

Those insufferable brats think that they have courage. They cannot even begin to comprehend what courage is. They don't understand. They believe courage to be some mystical thing that comes to the strong and mighty Gryffindor's. No. They are wrong. They are dead wrong.

Who am I to break away their happy delusions, though? They enjoy thinking that they know courage. They want to believe that their beloved Potter is the epitome of strength and bravery. How wrong they are. The Golden Boy can't even begin to understand the horrors of war.

I can't understand the horrors of war.

How can I tell mere children that even the mere sight of blood makes me want to vomit? Oh how they would mock their 'greasy git' of a potions professor. I can barely understand it myself. I have seen too much. Nobody should have to witness what I do. And I cannot even show the barest trace of pity for the poor souls that I torture and kill and rape. 

I have to live with this. I have to live with myself. I have to face my victims in my nightmares. Then I must wake up and do it over and over again. There are too many faces. All accusing all telling me what I already know: I am a monster. I am just as bad as the Dark Lord himself. 

The Dark Lord. How I would like to blame him for everything. It would be so simple, so easy to say that if he had never risen my life would be better. 'What if's' are irrelevant. What happened, happened. I made my decision. I could have stood against him. I could have refused. I chose my own life. I created my own personal Hell. Voldemort just helped me along the way.

That is why I hate James Potter. Not because of some petty school boy grudge. Because he was what I couldn't be. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be able to stand with dignity against the most feared wizard of our time. I was too weak to do so then. I have to make up for it now. I am paying for my sins. I deserve every ounce of guilt I feel. I know it. It is my own fault.

I now spy for the light side, whatever that means. Sides are irrelevant. I do not care for light or dark. Almost all magic can be used to harm. I need to help destroy that which I helped to create. I helped Voldemort to rise, I must now help the light to make him fall. 

So now I slither like that snake I am in dark alleys. I spy. I do what I must. I kill when Voldemort tells me. I torture when he tells me. I rape when he tells me. 

I take no pleasure in what I do, but I go back. I must go back. Albus tells me every morning that my acts are justifiable. There is a reason. Killing the previous nights innocents allowed others to live. But tell that to those I already killed. You can't they are dead. I hate myself for that. 

But who else will do it? Who else can stand before the Dark Lord himself and not be reduced to a quivering mass? There is no one. I must do this. It is my burden and my curse. I must face my demons. I have chosen my own destiny. I pray for the courage it will take. 

How long my resolve lasts, I do not know. I only know that here and now I am able to bear my burdens. I will do it alone. I must kill. I must torture. I must destroy the lives of innocent muggles in one fell swoop. There is no other way. I can't do it without courage.

A/N: I haven't written on this fic in a long time, but I felt the need to write about our dear potions master. Please review and tell me what you thought about this one. Thanks to all my reviewers! It is very much appreciated!!!


	5. Harry

Disclaimer: This is all from JKR's world!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Courage.  
  
I don't want to have courage. I don't think I even have it. I'm fifteen years old, how am I supposed to have enough courage to face a Dark Lord. Grown adults can't even say his name. And they want me to kill him. They want a savior. They want The-Boy-Who-Lived to become The-Man-Who-Defeated-The-Dark-Lord.   
  
How are they all so sure I can do it? Have they even looked at me? I am just a skinny boy who is alone now. Sure, I have friends, but I can't let them fight for me.   
  
That's the difference between me and Voldemort. Voldemort doesn't care who dies for him. He just sits in his chair, plotting, ordering, torturing. I can still hear the screams. Even the voices of those who I hate haunt my dreams. Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, MacNair. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Yet, somehow, Voldemorts most faithful followers are still tortured.  
  
It's sick. I want to throw up just thinking about all the people who's lives have been ruined because of that sick man. He isn't even a man. No, our race will not take credit for the fiend that he has become. I can think of the ones who are closest to me, offhand. Neville, for one. Poor Neville. How he goes through life the way he does, I don't know. He deserves better. My friends deserve not to have to live in fear.  
  
I know that they have to hide now. I know that Hermione and her parents are going on a vacation all summer because they don't want to be killed. I know Ron's family is living in Sirius's house because their home is too well known to the wizarding world. Yes, they are in the Order, but nobody else in the order lives there, except Professor Lupin, now. Sirius lived there.  
  
Sirius is gone. That's the first time I really admitted it to myself. Sirius is probably the one person who deserves happiness, and he wasn't able to find it. He had to go to Azkaban instead of his friend. A rat who betrayed them all. He spent twelve years there. He then had to stay on the run for the rest of his life. His short life. Before he was murdered by a member of his own family. Yes, Bellatrix will pay for what she did to Sirius, as will Pettigrew. They are up there on my list. Right next to Voldemort.  
  
Voldemort. It all comes down to him. If Voldemort had never existed, the world would have been better off. I could have spent my life happily with my parents. Maybe even had a sibling or two. Instead, I'm with the Dursley's. Oh yes, I should be thankful for ALL they do for me. After all, if it weren't for them, I could have been happy. Probably taller and not so skinny. Ron doesn't know how lucky he is.  
  
Ron is jealous of me. I know it. He hides it well, most of the time. I know he wants my fame. He doesn't want a huge family, where he thinks he has to live up to expectations. Ha. He doesn't know about expectations. He at least has a home to go to. I have expectations. And now I have to worst expectation of all. I have to kill or be killed. Murder or be murdered. I've seen a human being have the life swept away from them. I don't think I can do that.  
  
Not even to Voldemort. How do you stand there, face to face with someone else, say a few words, then poof. Their life is over. There is nothing left. Their eyes have to be the worst part of it. I can still see Cedric's eyes. The horrifying blank stare that comes with death. I am supposed to do this.   
  
Then I will be a hero. How brave I would be then. Oh yes, killing makes you brave. That's so easy for some to say. But I know, it doesn't make you brave. Killing is too easy. Voldemort kills. He isn't brave. He is a monster. That is the greatest fear I have. I fear what I will become. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to be brave, if that is what is expected of me.   
  
There is nothing I can do about it, though. I have my destiny. I know what I must do. I know that one day I will have to face it. I can only do that with courage.  
  
  
  
  
  
Alright, please r/r!!!! Thanks!!!!  
  
  
  
  
Thank you so much to my reviewers


	6. Voldemort

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter.

Courage.

Courage? How foolish humans can be. There is no such thing as courage only blind stupidity. I suppose if one follows the text book term then they would find courage in nearly every human being. Including me, well, at least those who still would consider me human.

I don't. I am much more than some mortal man who can easily fall by some terrible or fortunate chance of fate. That will not happen to me and those who thought it could are even more idiotic than I originally perceived.

Dumbledore, though, he knew. I knew, even when I was but mere shadow, forced like a parasite to feed off of the essence of other lesser beings, I knew that Dumbledore did not believe that I was truly gone. The beacon of light to the world dared not to voice his beliefs, though, not wanting to mar what would otherwise have been a thoroughly wondrous victory. Therein lies the fool's weakness. He could not; and still cannot bear to cause any sort of pain.

Now, his stupidity has caused what could possibly be the greatest downfall for the light. He has estranged himself from Harry Potter, and in doing so, has left the boy open to my forces of darkness. Oh, how glorious that would be. I am not blind enough to not see that the child could pose a threat to me at one point, but there is the snag. The catch that is not seen as yet by others. Only in the future could he be a real threat.

Yes, he has thwarted me more than once, displaying his cleverness and adept survival skills, but he has never come close to defeating me by his own merits. All the Patronus' in the world will not be enough to defeat me. But I must not grow content in my position. I know that was my foolish mistake before, no matter what sentimental excuse the muggle-lover may have dreamed up.

From what the spy says, Dumbledore places my first fall purely on the mudblood's love for her son. I will let him think what he chooses to, it is only one more card in my deck.

Just like Snape is a card in my deck. If Dumbledore thinks that I do not know of the underhanded ways of the last of the Snape line, then he is even more idiotic than I previously knew. I use the man to my advantage, punishing when I see fit, but keeping him close. One day, he will die. It is no great loss. His presence on this earth is merely a passing shadow. From what I can tell no one will grieve his death.

But he is just an instrument to me, one to be used until it has lost it's purpose, then I will dispose of him. Just like Snape, I will use these fools and their so called courage. I shall be able to bend and shape them. Force them into situations of my choosing. Their weakness is my strength, and before long, all will bow down before Lord Voldemort!

Oh, I can feel the glory now. The current Death Eaters are but a glimpse of the adoration that is to come. All will bow down before Lord Voldemort or they shall forfeit their lives. Then where will their pitiful courage be? Gone, thrown to the winds and forgotten for the more foolish reminders and grief. How easy those who call themselves 'good' are to decipher.

The fools with their friendships and love. What has love ever gotten anyone? What good does friendship do while you are tortured under my cructiatus? None! And it is all too satisfying hearing those so stalwart in their beliefs realize that their so-called friendships mean nothing in reality. To hear them break and betray those that they 'loved' it is euphoric; almost like a muggle drug. I am addicted. It brings me pleasure knowing that they have realized the truth, but it is too late. They all die, all too easily. A flash of green light is all it requires, but most of them beg for death anyways, not able to live without their disgusting love and happiness.

They can keep their courage and I will continue to destroy them all until they all are mine. Mine to control and kill or torture at my own pleasure. One day nobody would dare even think that they had courage.

A/N: Alright, it took me a really long time to do this one, I kept coming back to it and rewriting it. I think Voldemort aka Tom Riddle is one of the more fascinating characters in the Harry Potter books. What makes him the way he is? In this I tried to portray his bitterness, a small bit of insanity, and a sense of longing for love even if he doesn't know it, more of a him trying to convince himself that it is useless and will only drag you down in the end. I hope this is up to your standards and thanks to all reviewers who have been so kind!


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